Date: 2007-08-02 11:17 Subject: Please Attempt to Be Specific Security: Public

Allergies are driving me mad! I think I'm been sniffling for a couple months straight...grrr...

I'm always impressed by the way certain people can blog. They are super honest and clear in what they mean when they talk about things that they like/dislike - even when they are very personal. I have a relative who writes a blog. She'll even write about her family and friends. I just can't wait to read it because I feel like I'm peering into her life a little bit.

I guess that's the idea of a blog, though, isn't it - to let people peer into your life a bit?

But I'm a controller. I like to control what people think about me. I'll mock or reveal myself, but it's got to be on my terms. I have a hard time revealing nitty gritty details about myself - people who've met me in person would probably attest to that. Plus, she may have the added advantage of not having her family/friends read her Blog. Mine do. Right? :)

Frankly, what I'm realizing is that I have a hard time remembering details of things that happen...AT ALL. I'll say to someone, "Jesus, that guy was a creep," and he might have insulted my sister, tried to pull my top down, and whistled the theme from Jaws, but I won't be able to name the things he did or what made me think something in the first place.

I know a model who writes pages and pages on her blog. I can't stand reading it because it's all fluffy and feelings and boring. She's got this great following on her blog, and I think, "WTF?!" I guess that's just additional proof that I like to control. :)

I wonder a lot about what people think of me, but I can't muster up the emotional care about what it actually is.

I'm even having a hard time writing this, because it doesn't seem to have a purpose, and I like things with purpose. On days that I don't write - it's not because I don't want to, it's because everything is jumbly and unfocused. Someday I think I'll try one of those ginseng things that helps memory.

I feel good about things in general. As always, there are family issues I'd like to resolve, and career frustrations I'd like to fix, but overall, I'm very happy. Things are going well, and I can't argue otherwise.

kemroll telephoned me this morning and told me that I am not to make any plans for tomorrow afternoon or evening. He is taking care of something and I don't need to do or know anything other than that he has told me not to make any plans. I even ventured a question, "Why?" but was met with firm indifference. My, oh my, the man makes a good Dominant.

See how I'm trying to write specific things, but they are remaining general?
I'm frustrated by that!

Sigh!! I am what I am!

xo

Ann Marie